“Femme Ultra” is an upcoming body of work devoted entirely to how women regard each other without the infiltration of a male perspective. When it comes to gender, double standards are alive and well. Images considered too mature or obscene are another example of how women’s bodies are subject to scrutiny and policing.
Women are judged more harshly than men for simply being human. Despite all of the advances towards gender equality, many people still expect different things from men and women leaving the latter to face double standards and unrelenting pressures.
The harsh judgments imposed on women may be the norm, but are unacceptable. The way to deal with such double standards is to realize that your friends and loved ones will take you as you are, regardless of the circumstances. You shouldn’t have to worry about acceptable norms. Women must realize that they cannot, and do not have to please everyone. Trying to do so can trigger the symptoms of depression and bring on feelings of worthlessness. Realize that the image you see in the mirror is a beautiful one that you do not need to change it to please anybody.
Shitting Pretty
“Women don’t poop” is a trivial misconception perpetuated by heteronormative ideals so powerful, they play out in everyday life. “Shitting Pretty” serves as a facetious response to this misogynistic myth. The problem with phrases like this is they enforce gender stereotypes that are used to degrade women. I take issue with the fact that women are expected to hide a biological reality that men are allowed to embrace.
Societal progress and the rise of feminism has resulted in the emancipation of women in many countries. Online we are creating an everlasting safe space, one of empowering photos, inspirational quotes, and comical memes #pussypower #blackgirlmagic #girlpower.
On the surface this is a beautiful empowering movement, but how does it translate offline? Women, since time immemorial, have had more pressure than men to look their best and these double standards extend further than the level of superficial beauty.
Traditional and digital media market to men and women differently. Women have fewer excuses for them than men do. While men are celebrated in ads as beer-guzzling, burping, sloppy fuckbois, women face pressure to have big lashes, a Fashion Nova body, and better-smelling poop! Time to flush these delusions down the toilet.
Why aren’t women allowed to be gross? Rather, why do some men like to pretend we aren’t every bit of human as they are? Is it that we are simply too beautiful, elegant, and fragile to do such a profane, disgusting thing? This double standard perpetuated more intensely is the digital realm, leaving viewers thinking of women as only being able to use their feminine wiles. Many women themselves are so uptight about pooping and farting.
Let me be blunt: poop stinks. Everyone does it, including women! The very idea of a woman talking about poop - anyone’s, but especially your own – is weird, immature, and inappropriate. The idea of poop and being ladylike isn’t seen as synonymous. Instead, women are constantly made to uphold a facade and pressure that they internalize from the antiquated idea. Rather, they are encouraged to deliberately avoid evacuating their bowels because of fear and shame.
As human beings, there are facets of our humanity that link us. Double standards are inevitable and they exist, but we don’t need to acknowledge and reinforce them. I think it’s important, living in an age like ours that preaches connectivity but breeds isolation, that we remember these links whenever we can. We all poop, male or female, and pretending the idea that women don’t is hurtful. Changing a norm as trivial as this is well within our power.
No need to blush, I know you were once told that women do not eliminate feces in the same manner as men and that they have poop-pixies to take their stool off to a faraway land. As ridiculous as this sounds, this widely accepted theory held by many men, that the female gender does not defecate or pass anything out of their anus, is contrary to the fact that girls do poop.
Let’s face it: our discomfort isn’t limited to the digestive system. There’s sweat, facial and body hair, and odors! While it is easy to only blame men, a lot of the time, women are the ones holding the beauty gun to our own heads. And while women play into these anxieties, men prefer the fairy tale that women expel nothing but lavender-scented glitter from every orifice. All of our obsessing over unrealistic beauty standards add up to wasted time and energy. Until we believe that ourselves, societal beliefs aren’t going to change. We can and should fault a patriarchal society for inventing these delusions, but it’s our duty to reject them.
Mask Off
“Mask Off” speaks to the female experience in a way that is completely vulnerable, yet powerful. The notion of taking off your mask and become comfortable being yourself. Made popular by Future's Song "Mask off", notably, many women have adopted the hashtag “#MaskOffChallenge” as a reference to not wearing makeup, often referred to as a mask. This piece is a mesh of ideas I’ve been having over the course of the year. There are a lot of special moments - make-up wipes, dried flowers, and netting from a bag of avocados.
We all wear masks, and it's fear that drives us to do so. Fear of censure and ridicule, or fear of not getting the approval we seek. For most of us, social media is one giant filter in itself full of not-so-candid candids and perfect moments, but there is so much more to each person's story. The filters start before we even decide to post.
How we push through challenges and overcome difficulties play such important roles in our personal growth, and to belittle them by not sharing those with others who may be going through the very same thing is filtering at its worst.
Vulnerability is the shortest pathway to connection: If we want to form deep and meaningful relationships with others, we must show vulnerability. This means letting down your guard enough to let others in, being authentic, and focus on the goal of connection. Remind yourself that you're not alone. Your most quirky qualities, embarrassing stories, or difficult moments have the power to connect you to others.
There is a difference between caring about what other people think and being defined by it. Authenticity comes when you realize that you define who you are now and who you desire to be. You hold all the power you need.
It's close to impossible to take off a mask if we don't know what's underneath it. Invest in yourself to become more self-aware as to why you feel you have to wear a "mask." Authenticity is a gift: When you show up as your authentic self, it creates a safe place for others to be their authentic selves.
If You Have To Say It (Written In The Stars)
“If You Have To Say It” is my response to social anxiety triggered by online media. On Instagram for instance, a platform where most people are presenting dishonest versions of themselves, we are often becoming overwhelmed with the responsibility of maintaining our profiles and upholding the somewhat inflated persona we’ve created.
The piece itself is made up of text that reads “fuck social media, I’m dope in real life” which serves as a reminder that life exists beyond the digital realm, spilled tea, and beaded stars connected into a constellation of sorts.
Social media is predicated upon the practice of documenting the story instead of actually living it: where we are constantly seeking approval via the number of likes we get for any given post. It’s a competition for who can appear the happiest, and if you’re not happy and want to vent about it on social media, you’re attention-seeking.
We’ve all been mind fucked by systems that were designed to create a world that not only doesn’t exist — but also should never have been instituted in the first place. There is so much more to each person’s story. What makes someone successful or happy isn’t just the accomplishments and Insta-worthy moments, it's all of the moments in between – especially the struggles.
It makes sense for them to strive for privacy. If people have constant access to your every thought, they lose interest and respect. Keeping yourself more exclusive, being a little more private, maintaining a sense of mystery – that’s interesting to people. In a world of Instagrammers posting 5 times a day, that’s what cuts through the noise. That’s the power of exclusivity. Of focusing on what really matters instead of the clicks, likes, and vanity metrics.
